I love this title! Yet another article about nature versus nurture and the impact on adopted children in Adoptive Families’ Week in Review, Feb. 13, 2015. But, in this article, it is the underlying message that got my attention: Who are your children? What do they need? – Rather than your agenda for whom they SHOULD be.
Looking at your children through their eyes is really the #1 rule for successful relationships with them. How are you supposed to meet their needs if you don’t what they are?
As an adoption counselor, I find this rule needs to be repeated and repeated and repeated. Why? Because in the heat of the moment when your child is showing his displeasure by screaming, kicking, biting, or swearing at you, it is really, really difficult to remember to ask yourself: "What are his needs right now?" Most likely, you will jump into survival mode and think about your own needs."I just need him to eat his dinner, finish his homework, take a bath, get into pajamas, go to sleep." Is this sounding at all familiar?
Don't despair, even though it can feel awfully lonely during those moments of craziness, you are not alone. In that moment, wouldn't it be nice to make a 911 call to say, “HELP!” and talk to someone who would reassure you that neither you nor your child are bad, crazy, ridiculous, harebrained, senseless…you get where I’m going. Then, after you've been reassured, how about receiving some guidance on what to do and how to start making it better?
Whether we call that crisis intervention, guidance, counseling, teaching, or coaching, we are talking about gaining a clearer understanding of your child’s needs and how to meet them. Be assured, this CAN be done. But, in order to do this, YOU must be prepared to change your lenses that you are viewing your child with.
How to do this?
Step 1: Read the Adoptive Families’ article on our facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/AdoptionSource
Step 2: Peruse our website- http://www.adoptionottawa.ca/adoption-support.php
Step 3: Contact us to set up a time to chat!
